Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Words for Wednesday - a rather irreverent poem!

Over at 'Under the Porch Light' , the blog-host, Delores, is running a word-meme each Wednesday; she provides a prompt which may be a group of random words, a phrase or a picture, and invites us to let our imaginations get to work.

This week's words were:

insignificant, crimson, mottled, track, border, and spinning


"She was stiff as last years Christmas tree...."

So, here's my version of what that little lot inspired me to write:

The Big Send-off

She was stiff as last years’ Christmas tree,
Laid out in her Sunday best,
The family had gathered to toast her passing 
And pay their last respects.

The trestles, draped with a crimson cloth,
Supported the weight of her coffin,
And outside stood, as red as blood, 
The hearse they would carry her off in.

“It borders on the ridiculous!”
said an elderly aunt, “Why not black?”
“She refused to go quietly,” muttered another,
“it looks like her plans were on track!”

An insignificant cough stilled the scene,
Disguising a deep-bellied snort,
As a mourner tripped over the cat on the floor 
And let go of his glass of fine port.

Uncle Bert raised his beer and we all gave a cheer
As the errant glass flew through the air,
As it hit the deceased, the port was released 
And quickly spread everywhere!

We all gasped in shock, as down her best frock, 
Appeared a trail, mottled and red,
But the silence was broken by what was next spoken, 
As Aunt Maud leaned forward and said:

“It’s all for the best  - she’ll be laid out to rest
In the dress she last wore as a bride,
“And at least she now matches 
The hearse that despatches her off to the ‘other side’!”

We had to admit that the dress did now fit, 
As we looked round the room at each other,
Uncle Bert chipped in fast, “Well it worked out at last
 - 'cos she told us to “have a drink ON 'er!”

With a laugh and a cheer we banished each tear 
As we toasted her name with a smile,
With the angels she’s singing, and what a yarn spinning
- how we sent her off in such style!


This has turned into just a wee bit of an homage to "Ackroyd's Funeral", by comedian and folk artist Mike Harding (no relation), you can judge for yourself :


  1. Oh, that is too clever by half. Altho I never really knew what that means, I really truly enjoyed that!

    1. Thank you, Susan! I'm pleased it may have raised a smile! ;-)

  2. This was fantastic, you have real talent.
    I never knew anyone that could write like this..

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment - makes it all worth while! (and I enjoyed this week's prompt!)

  3. Loved your take on the words Sue. And thank you for your kind words over at Delores' blog :)

    1. O E - one of these days I might actually use Delores' prompts to do something serious - but I'm glad you enjoyed my 'doggerel verse'!

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  5. This was brilliant!!!! and I love that we are let in to her personality without ever knowing her name! but then again reading the nod to your blog title in there makes me think that maybe I do know her a bit! This was insanely good!!!!
    Blessings, Joanne

  6. I don't have an Uncle Bert or an Aunt Maud, either - and even though I've just been organising my own funeral I haven't specified a red hearse - but what a way to go! (maybe I should amend my plans....!)

    Thanks for taking the trouble to leave a comment, Joanne - it's much appreciated and I'm glad you enjoyed this wee poem! :-)

  7. That was funny and clever. The very best ever.

    1. Thank you, Yvonne - I had fun writing it! ;-)

    2. Thank you, Yvonne - I had fun writing it! ;-)

  8. I thought I'd left a comment, but clearly I didn't. I think this is very good.